All of us would like to live a life full of love. Of this, I am convinced, there is no question. Inazo Nitobe once wrote “Beneath the instinct to fight, there lurks a divine instinct to love.”
This can seem a little out of reach these days. With all of the backbiting, back stabbing, and down right nasty things we hear about that one person does to another, it can be hard to believe this. It doesn’t have to be this way though.
When I think about most of the situations I find myself in, I can honestly say that I care about how the other person feels. I think most of you all do too.
I meet a lot of different people and work with a lot of different people. Generally speaking, the feeling I get from them is that they care about the person on the other side of the table, the other end of the service they provide, or the experience they will have with the product they produce.
Emotions can be a volatile thing. I have learned this in my life. Our past experiences of what we consider to be normal can have a big impact in how we express our love and compassion for others.
So what do we do when we are faced with adversity? How can we show up the way we want to even though it seems really challenging? Where is the work:life harmony when there is so much volatility?
I have come up with 3 lessons I have learned on how to live a life with more love in it:
- Realize that most of the time, it has nothing to do with you
- Be connected to your authenticity
- When you are able, help others
Let’s dig in a little deeper on each of these.
First, I can honestly say that I can have poor reactions to other people at times. I am working on this daily and am getting better, but I can still get in my own way.
When someone is having a bad day, or says something to me with a certain tone, it is easy to take it personally. “Why in the world did they speak to me that way?” I often what I think and then I get offended.
How easily we get offended is different for everyone and each situation can trigger different responses. What might easily offend you, wouldn’t even be a thing for me and vice versa.
What I have come to realize is most of the time, when someone is having a bad day, 90% of the time it has very little to nothing to do with me. I happen to be in the wrong place at the time when this person is ready to lose their shit.
Humans are emotional beings, we don’t all have the same reactions to circumstance, nor do we deal with those circumstances in the same way.
It is important to realize that it is in your best interest to approach the situation with love even though the situation might feel like it is a fight. Resist the urge to approach the situation with hostility if you are able and you’ll find that it is much easier to find compassion and love for the other person. You will also have a much easier time finding work:life harmony if you do this.
One of the best ways I have found to build up that muscle of resistance is to stay connected to my authentic self. When I feel more like myself and am connected to my core values, I find it much easier to stay calm in the midst of chaos.
For me, spending time regularly in nature is a big part of who I am. Being able to feel the freshness of the air, hearing the sounds of the forest or mountains, it just puts me into a completely calm mindset. From this place, I am much more easily able to resist hostility and show compassion and love to others.
I also find a lot of joy in being able to read books and spend time writing. When I am not able to invest time into those activities it can have a negative effect on my demeanor and my ability to have rational conversation with others.
When I am in connection with my authentic self, it really does allow me to have an easier time helping others. It guides me in how I should help others, who I should be helping, and when I can help. I am not going to be able to help everyone that asks me, so I won’t try.
But when I know what I am able to commit to without losing any of my authenticity, it is much better for everyone around me. Staying true to me and my core values allows me to find the value that I can offer others.
I used to think that I knew exactly what my core values were. That I easily had it figured out. But then I took the Values in Action survey. This survey helped me solidify the values that I thought I had, but opened my eyes to others that I didn’t realize were there.
If you have not taken a survey like this I highly recommend you check it out. Here is a link to take the survey. I don’t get any kickbacks or compensation from you following this link just to put your mind at ease. You email address will get put on a list but I will never sell your email or spam you ever. Link: http://stevebeauchamp.pro.viasurvey.org
Anyway if you’d like to learn more about living a life with compassion you can check out my book “Always Improving: Lessons from the samurai”, I wrote a whole chapter about this virtue of the Bushidō code. Link to Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B9HR5V92
#alwaysimproving #bushido #love #lifefulloflove #compassion #worklifeharmony
Steve Beauchamp 