I think we have all had moments in our life when we have held onto some resentment about a particular situation or event that happened. Or maybe I’m the only one, who knows. Either way, let me share something I have learned about resentment and complaining.
I think resentment can be something that is easy for us to have in our lives if we let it. We need to live with intention to ensure that the resentment isn’t allowed to creep in and make a home.
This feeling can come when we feel wronged or are jealous of someone else’s success or just generally feel like we didn’t get a fair hand dealt to us. From this place it can be easy for us to complain about our current state.
This can be because of a failed marriage or being fired/let go from a job or being passed over for a promotion…and the list can definitely go on.
No matter what situation you find yourself in, it is really important to intentionally not let resentment creep in. Let’s see what Musashi says about this and then dig into my thoughts.
Dokkōdō Principle #9: ji ta tomoni urami kakotsu kokoro nashi (自他共に恨み託つ心なし) English interpretation: Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for yourself nor for others
Musashi uses the word kokoro again here to get the point across that we shouldn’t let resentment and complaining to find it’s way into our heart, soul and mind.
A samurai needed to be able to lead themselves from their heart and mind and if it was full of resentment and complaining that would definitely make that task very difficult.
Complaining really is the gateway to resentment. When we complain we open ourselves up to letting the resentment take root. But if we resist from allowing ourselves to complain about the situation we will be much better off.
This has been difficult for me over the years but the more I focus on wanting harmony in my life, the easier this becomes. You see, I’ve had a marriage that ended, I have been terminated from a job and I have been passed over for promotions, among other situations.
I used to let these situations take control and the emotions would fuel the fire. What tended to happen was that my position and attitude became contagious and others around me would then participate in this type of thinking and behavior.
But I decided that I didn’t want to live that way anymore, and I didn’t want to be the fuel for someone else’s fire either. The first step I took was really being able to recognize when the complaining is starting to happen.
If you can identify those moments when the complaining is starting you will be much more able to avoid them in the future. This will in turn give you more power to resist the resentment from taking hold as well.
A mentor once taught me and I am paraphrasing “You have no business complaining about a situation unless you are willing to be a part of the solution.” Ouch. Whenever that conversation comes back around in my memory I really try to take that to heart.
And so, personally I take this one step further and really look to make sure that the work that I am doing on a daily basis is connected to my authentic self. When I do this, I create the possibility of developing a professional pursuit that is much bigger than just me.
This sets up a scenario where I am able to follow my heart and allow my mind to guide me toward this bigger purpose, my life’s mission if you will.
When you have designed a professional pursuit that resonates with you individually, you will avoid the feelings of resentment and will not complain about circumstance. I believe this is because you will recognize that everything is there for your development and growth.
At the core of it all is really staying in tune with your authentic self, ensure that you are showing up as your true self each and every day.
#kokorozashi #noresentment #nocomplaining #worklifeharmony
Steve Beauchamp 
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